In Hiding

For a long time, I’ve been in hiding.

That might seem like a strange statement, to those who know me personally. If you asked, I’m sure they would characterize me as one of the most social people they know, and some would even testify that they’ve seen me recently. How could I say that I’ve been hiding?

One of my favorite things to do is catch up with friends via Facebook. It has enabled me to connect with people from high school and college; friends that I have not seen in a long time.  For a homeschooling mama, it is a welcome chance to have some adult interaction. Most of these people don’t actually see me. Facebook is just that—FACE book. You will be hard pressed to find full body photos of me, and with good reason. I had one friend tell me, “You haven’t changed a bit! You still look the same!”

Wellllll…… not so much.

(Deep breath)

Since high school, I’ve gained at least 236 lbs. That figure would be the gain since my senior year. My freshman year as reference, it would be 262 lbs. What in the world??!! How did that happen? How does someone let themselves gain that astronomical amount of weight?

It’s easier than you think. So many factors contributed to the weight gain.  Some were emotional, some physical (lack of exercise), and much of it was simply making unwise choices when I knew it wasn’t what was best for me.  I can’t blame any of it on genetics or hormones.  It all comes down to an average of 11.8 lbs/year.  Some years more than others, of course. Because I carried my weight “well” and was suitably cute, I fooled myself into thinking that I could just buy the next biggest size. I was pretty fit for a bigger girl, and I never really felt the physical limitations of my size until I got to around 280-300 lbs.

With this post, I am officially coming out of hiding.

When it comes to seeing friends from long ago, I’m no longer going to hide from them, or avoid them.  The fact of my size/weight doesn’t change, simply because people don’t see me.  I’m not the only person from my past to have gained weight, but I am by far the person who’s gained the most. I’m not going to be ashamed anymore.  Although this is how I look, it is not who I am.

So, here is the hard truth:

Starting weight: 413 lbs.

Current weight: 407 lbs.

This was, by far, the toughest post for me to write. (Okay, so this is only the third one I’ve written, but still!) Now the truth is out. And it’s not pretty.  I’m not hiding anymore, though. Those numbers will soon be far behind me. Lord willing, I will continue to lose pounds, and gain strength and confidence.

And perhaps, along the way, I will inspire someone else to quit hiding.