The Weigh It Is

Billie, where on EARTH have you been?? July 8, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Billie @ 1:59 pm

I’m glad you asked! It’s been four months since I’ve blogged. FOUR. That’s kind of crazy; it wasn’t like I didn’t HAVE anything to say.  I just never made the time.

A friend of mine once wrote: “Just like with bloggers, when things go dark, it’s rare that anything positive is happening.”

While I can’t say that nothing  positive was happening, I can say that I was surely struggling.  In March, I averaged three times a week with my workouts. April  started out very badly: the first two weeks passed with only one visit to the gym. The next week, I was back into action with three visits–pretty good workouts by my standards, considering I’d been missing so long. That Wednesday, my husband called me to say the car broke down, which meant that he was going to need to use my van for work. *sigh* And just when I was back into the groove of things! I was determined to stay in the groove, so I  took him to work on Monday morning (the 25th) so that I could use the van.  After my workout, I stopped  at his place of work to give him his folder  before I headed home. While I was talking to him, the phone rang. It was a friend of ours, calling with the news that another friend’s 19-year-old son had died that early morning in a car accident.  It was so shocking, so entirely surreal. He’s wasn’t just my friend’s son; he was also one of my friends. By the end of the week, I was emotionally drained. I went to the gym that Friday, despite not wanting to get out of bed. I had to force myself. That was the morning of the royal wedding. I sobbed when I saw the newly married couple. I guess that after that week’s tragedy,  to see something that symbolized joy and hope simply made me crumble.  Over the next two weeks, I chose to stay in bed. I did not get up and work out. I did not work out at home. I ate without caring about the choices I was making, and for the first time in a very long time, I went on what I would really consider a binge of sorts.  While I used to be a big emotional eater, I really thought I was beyond that. WELL! It seems under certain circumstances, I am not above reverting to my default setting.

I don’t want to bore you with too many details, so I’ll just break it down briefly:

May–3rd week, got back to the gym. Started interval training on the elliptical, 30 minutes. Intense. Also started preparing for P90X workouts. Next week, still good, made it 3x.

June–Still battled with self-doubt. I think I was perhaps intimidated by the fact that we were going to be doing P90X. Didn’t go to the gym until June 9th.  Was super awesome the next week,  got tons of activity in, hit over 100% each day with my activity monitor.

Which brings me to July. Still struggling with inconsistency. I like to be at the gym by 6 am, if possible. The girls meet at 6:30 to start p90X, and I feel that I need to get some cardio in before we do the video. One morning last week, I arrived late. It was 6:45 by the time I got there, and they were just starting the video.  I jumped in with them, and it was a good workout.  I took a quick smoothie break (had to feed those muscles!) and all the while, the battle was raging inside my head:

Wicked Billie:  “You’ve done enough today. You should just get changed and go home.”

Virtuous Billie: “No, I can’t afford NOT to exercise! I need to go upstairs and get on the elliptical!!”

Wicked Billie:  “But really, look at the time. You definitely should be getting home to your kids.”

Virtuous Billie:  “Well….maybe you’re right. I AM tired, after all. I should just call it a day.”

Wicked Billie: (delighted chuckle)

Virtuous Billie (somewhat snapping out of her stupor): “NO! I am going upstairs right now! This is crazy! ALL have to do is WALK UP THE STEPS!!”

And that’s what I did. I marched right up those steps, and got on the elliptical…FOR TEN MINUTES.  *SIGH* Well, it was surely better than not getting on at all.

So, that’s where I’ve been.

I’m not where I hoped to be at this point in the year. I  hoped  to be around 350 by my birthday. That really won’t happen (considering my birthday is in nine days). BUT…

My chiropractor told me the other day that she could really see my body changing shape. WOOOT!! Last week I had my elbow act up after one of the videos (couldn’t bend my arm for a few days, but it’s not like it hasn’t happened before!) so I didn’t do any lifting Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.

Yesterday, I got to the gym later than intended, and the girls were almost done with the video.. Too bad. So I cheered them on, then hit the elliptical for 30 super minutes. In the past, if I didn’t do it with them, I simply didn’t do it. I mean, I’m not going to do that video alone, am I?


I put that puppy in, and did it all. All that I could, of course…there are some things that I “presently struggle with” (which is what Tony on the video suggests you say instead of “I can’t”. ha ha!)  

Moving forward.