Pain and Progress December 22, 2010

On sunday morning, I dropped an 8 lb weight on my right foot.

 It wasn’t dropped from too high up, it rolled onto my foot from a pile of clothes in my bedroom! It landed on the bridge of my foot, somewhere close to the ankle, on the top of the foot. It hurt quite a bit, and so I thought it best to rest a couple of days. The weather wasn’t very nice this way, either, so my decision to stay home wasn’t a tough one. Wednesday, I went back to the gym and tried to get on the treadmill–my foot still didn’t feel great , so after 2

minutes, I hopped on the elliptical for 35 minutes (10 minutes more than usual) and had a great workout,–set the incline up higher than usual,  level 13. I  tried to get on the treadmill to cool down, and I still didn’t like how the foot felt. SO, being in denial about weighing close to 400 lbs, (in my mind sometimes I am Super Woman!) I jumped back on the elliptical for another ten minutes. I don’t think the time

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 on the treadmill was a problem, even though it was 20 minutes more than I’m usually on. I think it was the incline perhaps. Or it could’ve been that I took my husband’s car to get snow tires; it’s an escort wagon and low to the ground. Pretty tough for me to get out of. By the end of the day, my right buttcheek was KILLING me. I know that sounds somewhat hilarious, but if you’ve every had experience with the Piriformis muscle being aggravated, it is not funny at ALL. It’s a muscle that goes from your hip and ends just about your buttcrack, right below the tailbone.  I could not sit down, or stand up from a sitting position without EXTREME pain. And I mean extreme, as in I yelled in pain, each time I had to stand up! I rested  for 4 days (Thursday-Sunday), and just was able to workout again Monday morning. I did 20 min on the treadmill (foot seemed to be okay) and 25 on the elliptical, taking care to keep the incline below 10 (mostly at a 7 or 8–if I have no incline on the E, it hurts my knees). I stretched thoroughly after, and so far, so good. It bothered me to have missed so many workouts last week, but in my head, I didn’t feel like I wouldn’t go back (as opposed to times past, where it would’ve been all too easy to stop after only working out once in the past week).  This morning I was late to the gym, but I still made it.  I put in 20 minutes on the treadmill, 13 on the elliptical, and then I did some circuit training–4 sets of shoulder exercises, followed by 4 minutes on the elliptical. I repeated that three times. I made certain to stretch well afterwards! I absolutely do NOT want a repeat performance of last week, ever.

Now, onto the progress! I finally posted some progress pictures. I wanted to wait until there was something that could be seen. It’s tough when you’re the one losing weight–you’re often the last person that can see the results, even though you’ve been feeling the benefits of your efforts for a while. When I looked at these, I could finally see it!

https://theweighitis.wordpress.com/progress-pictures/

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Enjoy your time with friend and family, and please, back away from the cookies. 😉  

Balance December 13, 2010

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I am in a super mood this morning! I’m sitting at the local coffeehouse, sipping excellent coffee, observing the snow falling outside the window, and downloading some new workout tunes. Despite having a shorter workout this morning (35 minutes vs 55), it was a good one. An intense one. I started out with the elliptical for 25 minutes and then I finished up on the treadmill.  I feel like I’m in cruise mode with my workouts–I hate to miss one, I’m up to 50-55 minutes, being more consistent with the strength training. I’m feeling more energetic, tighter, and all-around better. I used to get up feeling tired, no matter how much sleep I got. I can’t pinpoint when it happened, but I don’t feel that way anymore. Now that I’ve got these workouts in the bag (haha), I just have to stick in for the long haul, and eventually, I’ll get where I need to be, right?

Not exactly.

There’s more to this equation than just exercise.  A friend of mine once told me that exercising wasn’t what I struggled with, it was food.  I thought she was a little nuts; after all, it wasn’t as if exercise was ever easy for me–as long as she’s known me I’ve been much bigger than the average person, and even though there were periods when I was working out consistently, making the decision to move my butt every day was a struggle at times. Some days, it still is!

A while ago, Time Magazine came out with an article that I found to be absolutely ridiculous.  It was titled, “Why exercise won’t make you thin.”  “Psh!” I said to myself. “These people don’t know what they’re talking about!”  The basic assertion was this: They did a study of 4 groups of women who were told to exercise a certain amount of time per week with a personal trainer (72 min, 136 min, 194 min), and the fourth group was to do nothing. They were not to make any dietary changes during this time (six months).  When all was said and done,

” On average, the women in all the groups, even the control group, lost weight, but the women who exercised — sweating it out with a trainer several days a week for six months — did not lose significantly more weight than the control subjects did. (The control-group women may have lost weight because they were filling out those regular health forms, which may have prompted them to consume fewer doughnuts.) Some of the women in each of the four groups actually gained weight, some more than 10 lb. each”

Now before you toss your exercise shoes in the trash, let me say this:  There are a lot, and I mean a lot of things that this author didn’t address when writing this article.  We’re not told what kind of activity these women were doing.  We’re not given any beginning or ending body measurements.  Any improvements in blood pressure, blood sugar levels or cholesterol were not discussed. We have no idea what their body fat percentage was before starting this study; It’s quite possible that the women who were working their butts off had gained muscle mass and so the scale didn’t show any “significant” loss.  The number on the scale is NOT the only determining factor of fitness. Let me just say that one more time:  The number on the scale is NOT the only determining factor of fitness (or health)!  I’ve known people that have lost significant amounts of weight without exercising; in fact, there were weeks when I didn’t work out as often, and I’ve had a bigger loss on the scale.  However, if you lose weight quickly without strength training or exercise (especially strength training!), you are also losing some muscle mass along with the fat. You may end up smaller, but not necessarily in better shape.

What the author states that I think is valid is this: Often times, when we are working out, we give ourselves carte blanche on what we eat.  We’ve worked hard, so perhaps we feel entitled to splurge a little and treat ourselves.  We can easily undo the calorie burn from a 50 minute workout with some sort of  mocha-latte-double-whip-something-or-other. While I don’t fall into the entitlement eating trap often, I’ve certainly reasoned that way in my head once or twice.

I’ve followed the Weight watchers plan here and there over the past ten years.  Although it’s been tweaked a few times since I was first introduced to it (most recently about two weeks ago), it has been a solid plan that stresses portion control and making wise choices. Nothing has ever been off limits, but you learn pretty quickly that some food items take up your daily points allowance and leave you feeling pretty hungry, while others “cost” fewer points and leave you feeling more satisfied.  While I am not opposed to the occasional brownie or biscotti,  I do understand that some things are simply better suited to fuel my body than others.  For those of us who have had an emotional relationship with food, it takes some effort to think of it as fuel and not a friend.  After all, how many of us have turned to food for reasons other than hunger? (This is the struggle to which my friend was referring, certainly.  That’s a whole other post.)

I’ve gotten away from watching what I’m eating. I don’t think, “Oh, I’ve exercised, I’m gonna go wild!” but I haven’t been paying close attention to what I’m eating like I have in times past when I was meticulous about measuring food and writing things down. I’m not aiming for perfection in eating;  I just need to make some better choices and keep track of things. I think that will really help me to make more progress.  Lately my goal has been to eat more veggies and watch the portion sizes of everything else.  Not to eat only what is quick, but to really choose what would be best for my body.  I titled this post “balance”, but as I think about it, I suppose it should have been named differently.  Honestly, as much as I wish it weren’t so, what goes into my body is incredibly important, for so many reasons. For me to be successful in this endeavor, I need to pay more attention to that aspect of the weight loss equation.

(link to the Time magazine article: http://tiny.cc/tuc2y )

Week 9 December 6, 2010

The roads this morning were treacherous. Really.  Snow-covered, not yet plowed.  The person in front of me was driving 30 mph. I didn’t mind; I wasn’t planning on going much faster than that, anyway!  The trip that would have normally taken 20-25 min. or so ended up taking 35 or 40.  I did not feel like going this morning. When I told my husband that, he replied, “You’ll be glad you went once you get there.”  He was right, of course.

This is what my workout looked like this morning:

20 minutes, treadmill. 2.8 mph

21 minutes, elliptical

Strength training: Shoulder circuit: 4 different types of shoulder exercises, followed by 4 minutes of cardio;  shoulder sets, 5 minutes elliptical; shoulder sets, 5 minutes cardio.

Totals: 25 min. treadmill; 30 elliptical.

 

This is the beginning of my ninth week. I feel like it’s been forever. I must remind myself that this HAS to be my lifestyle; not just a temporary thing until I get to my goal weight. I know from the testimony of others that that’s when the hard work begins–Maintenance! For me, that is afar off.  Lately I’ve been getting frustrated with how far I know I have to go–I’ve been working hard and I want to see more results NOW!  We’re such impatient creatures.  This scripture keeps popping into my mind, and I feel like I should write it out and tape it to the treadmill in the morning:

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…”

Beset: harass somebody or something: to harass or trouble somebody or something continually ; surround somebody or something: to attack somebody or something from all sides.

What besets me?

Discouraging thoughts!

“This is going to take FOREVER. What’s the use? You lose 100 lbs, you’ll still be fat. You shouldn’t be working so hard at your size. You’re probably going to hurt yourself.” 

 I have to be vigilant–recognize these thoughts as lies, replace them with truth, and keep pressing on. I need to “run with patience the race set before me.” Because this isn’t a sprint. It’s a marathon. I know that I will make it, by the grace of God. 

One thing I want to add: chances are, not all my readers share my faith, and that’s okay; the principle is still the same. Run with patience the race! Don’t allow those types of thoughts to beset you. Keep moving forward!

              

All or nothing December 1, 2010

The past week hasn’t gone the way I’d wanted it to, ideally.

 

I only made it to the gym twice this week. I did exercise the other three days, though–I did the Leslie Sansone 1 mile “easy” walk on Wednesday, the 2 mile brisk walk on Thursday, and the 1 mile again yesterday, and added five minutes to it, so that it would be at least 25 minutes total. I love Leslie Sansone’s Walk Away the Pounds videos. If you are unfamiliar with them, they are a walk at home workout, using four moves: marching in place, side steps, knee lifts and kicks. The videos I have come with a “stretchie band” for upper body work that you do while still marching in place. It is a simple concept, but the videos still give a good workout because you are moving to the beat of the music (which increases as you go), and using muscles that you normally would not use while simply walking. Despite the fact that the one mile video is only about 18 minutes or so with stretching, and I am used to doing 40-45 minutes of cardio a day, it was still a good workout for me. The 2 mile one was definitely much more brisk than I am used to walking (it is essentially a 4 mph pace), but I did it and finished it–and I haven’t been able to do that video in a long time.

 

One of the hardest things about losing weight is the mental aspect of things.  I’ve mentioned it before, and I will surely mention it again, because really, it is much more complex than someone who has not struggled with their weight could possibly imagine.  I didn’t get to the gym like I wanted to, but I did workout, and that’s a lot more than I would’ve done before. Still, I ended up feeling a little down. Why? The “All-or-Nothing“ mindset.  Have you ever said this to yourself?

 

“I already blew it by eating _______, I might as well have enjoy myself the rest of the day.  I’ll start again tomorrow.”

 

 

I’ve done it. Chances are, you have, too.   For me, it manifested this way: Even though I exercised every day , it wasn’t what I usually did. Because it wasn’t as much as I usually do, it wasn’t good enough.  I should have been thrilled that I did some form of exercise; it’s much more than I would’ve done two months ago! You see, the all-or-nothing mindset is really a form of perfectionism in disguise. Because you don’t perform perfectly  (or in my case, to whatever standard you have set for yourself), you just chuck it all in the garbage. (Or at least you feel like it.) The idea of a perfectionist mindset holding us back is addressed in the book, Body Clutter, by Maria Cilley and Leanne Ely. Otherwise known as “the FLYlady”, Maria talks about how being a perfectionist holds us back from living, from changing and losing weight, because the soundtrack in our mind repeats,

 

“If you can’t do something right, don’t do it at all.”

 

While I am not a fan of doing things halfway, the idea that something has to be done in a specific manner in order for it to count has seriously kept me from progressing in this journey for fitness.  Should I lift weights first, or do cardio? Lift heavy, lift light? Should I eat before I work out, or not? I become so paralyzed by all the options, and figure if I’m not doing it “right”, then I may as well  just not do it.  BAD thinking. Something is always better than nothing. To succeed in this endeavor, I have to learn to keep my eyes on my successes, and not my (perceived) failures.

 

Despite the fact that my journey will be long, here are a few of the triumphs I’ve already experienced:

 

8 weeks ago:

• Could only do 10 minutes on the treadmill. Walked at 2.2 mph. 2.5 was considered a fast pace for me. Any time I would increase my speed, my ankles, shins, and the sides of my lower legs  would hurt.
• Only lasted 7 minutes on the elliptical. Did not get above 100 rpm.

Today:

• Was on the treadmill for a total of 30 minutes.  2.5 is now my warm-up pace. Was cruising along at 2.7-2.8 mph, with occasional bursts of 3.0. Shins and ankles no longer hurt.
• Did the elliptical for 20 minutes, which is five minutes less than I normally do. Am able to go much faster, and at much higher resistance.

Truly,  I thank God for this progress!!

Lately I have been grooving to this song off of Mercy Me’s new album. I really love the lyrics, and it reminds me to just keep moving!! (The song’s called, “Move.” Imagine that!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmUDDxflt6o

I’m not about to give up
Because I heard you say
There’s gonna be brighter days
There’s gonna be brighter days
I wont stop, I’ll keep my head up
No, I’m not here to stay
There’s gonna be brighter days
There’s gonna be brighter days

I just might bend but wont break
As long as I can see your face

When life wont play along
And right keeps going wrong
And I cant seem to find my way
I know where I am found
So I wont let it drag me down
Oh, I’ll keep dancing anyway

I’m gonna move (move)
I’m gonna move (move)
I’m gonna move [gonna move]

Ive got to hold it steady
Keep my head in the game
Everything is about to change
Everything is about to change

This burdens getting heavy
But I’m not about to cave
Everything’s about to change
There’s gonna be brighter days

 

More than a catalyst November 24, 2010

 

On October 27, I hopped on over to one of my favorite blogs, and was greeted with a post titled, “An Offer You Can’t Refuse.”

http://tinyurl.com/2f9jor3

 

If you don’t have the time to click over and read it for youself, the general idea was this: This guy, Jack, who is brilliant, witty and has a great heart, has an awesome weight loss blog. Being so close to his goal, he wanted to give someone else the chance to be in the spotlight, to lose weight on his blog, to have the support of his wonderful readers. Sounded wonderful to me!! BUT… then I continued to read, and he also wanted MEASUREMENTS and PICTURES. *thud*  Well, I responded in the comments and said,

 

this idea terrifies me, frankly–I can hardly admit my weight to my friends, let alone the entire world…But as I have Anti-Jared like weight to lose, I am seriously considering this–I’m already on a good 3 week run of consistent exercise…

 

 Yep. Terrified me. That pretty much summed it up. I hadn’t, at that point, started my blog, hadn’t come out of hiding to my friends and the world. Still, the idea nagged at me. I thought about it. I prayed about it. I thought and prayed and thought some more. Finally, five days later, this is what I emailed to Jack:

 

Jack,
If it’s not too late, I wanted to let you know I’m interested in being held accountable by the world! I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve got Anti-jared proportions of weight to lose; I’m currently 411 lbs and have  been up and down before…last great effort at weight loss was a few years ago when I got down to 273 from 331…I was even an aerobics instructor at that time (loved it how people would react when they walked into my class compared to how they reacted AFTER the class!) Thought I had a handle on it; Stopped going to WW meetings, oh, and got pregnant, and that’s when I stopped exercising and stopped paying attention to what was going into my mouth. Four years later, I’ve gained 140 lbs!! *thud* I’m 37, and I homeschool, and I am sick of not being able to do the things with my children and husband that I would like to do. This is my 4th week of getting up at 5 am and heading to the gym–I have worked up to 35 to 40 minutes of cardio, usually divided between the treadmill and eliptical. I have also been pumping iron (RAWR!!), but not this morning, since my dang elbow is killing me (used to be a waitress; oh wait, I’m a mom–I still am!) 😉

 

Later that day, I got a response. The first sentence said this:

 

I’d already chosen four individuals to go into my Witness Reduction Program, and felt like that was probably all I could handle, but your email pretty much hit all the buttons of what I was looking for with this. You really seem ready to make a big change and I think it’d be exciting to be a part of it.

 

Whoo hoo! I am really blessed to have this opportunity, and just so thankful. It’s great to be in league with people who have the same struggles, who are on the path and who have been successful. It inspires me so much to read their experiences and thoughts. To see the before and after pics. I want to have my own set some day–to help people see that it can be done, it is possible, and let them know that they can do it too!! That’s what people like Jack and Tony have done for me. 

 

Today Jack featured me in his blog. Here is the link:

http://jackfit.blogspot.com/2010/11/bodfather-last-but-not-least.html

 

Toward the end of the post, Jack says this:

 

I’d like to take credit for creating the spark that’s slowly turning into a raging inferno inside of Billie, but I think I’m more of a witness than a catalyst.

 

Catalyst: an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action.

 

Has Jack been a catalyst? You better believe it. And so have all of you who have encouraged me, cheered for me, prayed for me. I have never felt more encouraged in my life. Thanks, everyone, for all the kind words. They really do help me drag my butt out of bed at ridiculous o’clock in the morning. =) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every Cloud November 18, 2010

This morning, the alarm rang at 5 am, and despite staying up until midnight, I hopped out of bed and made it to the gym by 6:15 or so. Armed with some new downloads, I started out my workout with some David Crowder Band, and hit the treadmill for 20 minutes, walking at 2.6 mph (which is pretty fast for me), and then popped on the elliptical for 25 minutes. The last five minutes were killer, and I had to mentally trick myself through them. I’ll do that–tell myself I just want to get to the next tenth of a mile, or try to burn however many more calories in the next 30 seconds–whatever it takes to get me through the time.  I finished my workout with a brief two minute cool down on the treadmill.
 
And then I thought, “Oh, I think I’ll go hop on the scale.”
 
Remember the stomach bug earlier this week? Turns out that little cloud had a silver lining.
 
I weighed myself last Thursday, 11/11. The scale read 407.8  (My friend, who orginially did my profile on the fancy Tanita scale, calculated 2 lbs for clothing, so it was “officially” adjusted to 405.8).
 
This morning, the scale read 394.8, and if I adjust the 2 lbs for clothing, 392.8??!!!  WHAT??!!
 
13 lbs in a WEEK??  HAHA!! Biggest loser caliber, baby!! 😉
 
Seriously, though…I realize that a portion of that loss is due to the stomach bug. And really, I’m okay with that. However, I am certain that some of it is also due to hard work and consistency. I’ll expect to gain next week, surely. But this? It gave me a much welcomed mental boost just to see the scale move in such a dramatic fashion. And the biggest thing?
I’m FINALLY under 400, baby!!!
 
WHOOO HOOO!!!!!

Life November 17, 2010

This week started out as a normal week. Had an excellent workout on Monday morning, and was raring to cruise on through the week to greater heights! Ahhh…but life does not always follow my plans. Sparing you the details, Monday night I got hit with a stomach bug that had me incapacitated for the next day.. I slept on and off all day on Tuesday, and finally by Tuesday evening I was well enough to eat half a cup of Life cereal. No workout for me Tuesday morning, and none this morning, either.  I think that by tomorrow morning, I should be well enough to get moving again. As a friend said, we’re concerned with the long haul.

BUT…As I have mentioned before, I have had long periods of exercising in the past, only to stop. To be knocked off the wagon by something like a twisted knee, or simply skipping too many workouts in a row; always promising myself that I’d start again tomorrow, only to have tomorrow never come. Because I don’t exercise on the weekend, Sunday nights produce quite a bit of anxiety in me. There’s always an element of, “Am I really going to get up and do this again tomorrow morning?”  So far, so good! I’m not going to lie, though–these past two days off have produced in me the same kind of uneasy feeling. Am I going to get up and do it tomorrow? Because I know how easily two days turn into two weeks…

As I was thinking of this the thought entered my mind, “Do I live to workout, or workout to live?” I know this question has been asked in terms of food –“live to eat/eat to live”, but I never thought about it when it came to exercise. Because like anything, there needs to be moderation. Believe me, I don’t intend on getting lax on my workout schedule– I have to have momentum there to keep going. I just don’t want to fall into the trap of freaking out if I have to miss a day.

That being said, I am currently downloading new music for my workout tomorrow morning. Praying the kids stay well!

Sticks and Stones November 15, 2010

I was feeling GREAT yesterday! I wore a shirt to church that was too tight for me a just few weeks ago, it was a beautiful day outside, and all was right in the world.

And then it happened.

I had just finished talking to a friend in the hallway, and as I turned to walk away, I heard one of her children exclaim,

“Mom! She’s FAAAAAT!”

……SIGH……

I wasn’t particularly bothered by it at the time. I mean, I know how kids are–I have a few myself. They simply make observations, no malice involved. There was no ill intent in this child’s statement; she didn’t yell, “Hey Fatty!” or anything derogatory. It wasn’t like the little boy who exclaimed at the book sale one year, “Look at how fat she is! EWW!! She’s gross!!” (That kid was old enough to know about social graces, and should’ve known better. Had to refrain from sitting on the kid and smacking the parents. Seriously.)

By the end of the day, I was down. I felt blue and defeated. Just because of an offhand observation by a 2-5 year old.  Upon reflection, I realized that it wasn’t so much the child’s comment threw me into a downward spiral; It was the sum total of all the comments that I’ve heard over and over again…from family members to total strangers. Whether said innocently or maliciously, I was simply tired of hearing it. I AM tired of hearing it. Do people think that telling me that I’m fat is going to surprise me, as if it’s something of which I am unaware? Trust me, I am fully and painfully aware of, at all times, the limitations placed on me because of my size. I don’t need reminding by anyone, it doesn’t need to be stated, it doesn’t help one iota to even mention it.

About a year ago, when I was working out pretty steadily, I was walking into the Y when I heard a little girl say to her mom, “Mama, what did that woman do to her body?” I wish I had turned around and answered that little girl. Not harshly at all–she really wanted to know. And I hope her mama told her. I hope she didn’t just say, “Shhh–don’t say that honey, it’s not nice.” I hope she told her all about how important it is to stay active, and eat your fruits and veggies, and not just eat because it tastes good and you want some more or because you’re sad/happy/angry. I hope she told her that just because I was bigger didn’t mean that I was any different from anyone else, that what mattered most when it came to people was what was on the inside, that someone can have a outwardly beautiful appearance and be unbearably ugly inside.

Despite that little rant, I am not particularly sensitive about my weight, or even the word “fat”. It’s simply an adjective. It’s the state I’m in now, not who I am. And I’m really okay with that, because I am doing what I can to move in the right direction.

And now, for some good news: I HAVE been feeling stronger, and not nearly as jiggly. =) This morning I started out with 10 minutes on the treadmill, hopped on the elliptical for 13, and then we started a circuit which consisted of four different sets of shoulder work, then back upstairs for four minutes of cardio, and back downstairs for the weightlifting, and then upstairs…you get the point. We did that three times total. When all was said and done, I ended up with 20 minutes on the treadmill and 25 on the elliptical. Not too shabby.  Six weeks ago, I wouldn’t have even made it through the four minutes on the elliptical! So, that’s what I have to concentrate on.  Children will continue to notice, people will continue to snicker and make comments; even when I have lost 100 or 150 pounds, I will still be considered fat. C’est la vie.  I’m going to keep going anyway. Because this isn’t for them. It’s for me; it’s for my husband;  it’s for my kids. It’s for the glory of God, and I am confident that He will see me through.

The Long and Winding Road November 12, 2010

  Even though this blog has been around for about a week, my journey started long ago.  I could go way back and detail the road that has brought me to this point.  Some time I will– because I think that you, as readers, would benefit in knowing the events that have shaped me up until this point in life. However, this is not that post.

This post has to do with the mental aspect of weight loss. The battles of weight loss are not necessarily fought and won in the gym, but in the mind. You would think that continuing what I’m doing should be a breeze at this point.  I’ve worked out consistently (5 days a week) for five weeks in a row. I’ve been told time and again that it only takes 21 days to make a habit, and I’m well past that point. Still, some days, it is a struggle to get out of bed and make it to the gym. It is a struggle to make it count once I get there. Those kind of struggles don’t happen as often as they did at the beginning. In a strange way, I enjoy getting up at 5 am and being done with a good, solid workout before some people have even started their day. Before I used to have started my day!

Despite all the victories, it is not always sunshine and rainbows.  I think about how terribly far I have to go…How long it will take me to get there…maintaining it once I get there…and I become downhearted. I look at the long stretch of road winding out in the distance and don’t pay attention to the step that’s in front of me. When I’m not focused on the next step, I stumble, and end up plopping down on the side of the road crying, waiting for someone to come along and drop me a nice pan of brownies for consolation. Okay, not literally. I think you understand what I mean. For me, a major part of winning this battle is choosing to think on the right things, and not dwell on the enormity of the task at hand. That’s what I’m doing.

Here is a poem that I wrote about a year or so ago–I was 384 then, and having a great run of fitness–had exercised consistently for 6 weeks, and then just tweaked my knee a bit playing volleyball at a friend’s house. “I’ll give it a few days rest, ” I thought. That “few days” turned into a few weeks, which turned into a few months, and then ultimately, a year and three months!!  I wrote this after a particularly good workout. Kind of like the one I had this morning.

“What’s that?” you ask. Well, I determined that I would do the eliptical for thirty minutes this morning–until now, I’ve done mostly 20 minutes, and 25 once (and I didn’t do that on purpose!). So I did. And then I got on the treadmill for ten minutes. That’s right, people. My 405 lb. butt on that elliptical for 30 minutes!! Nothing short of a miracle! I pray each morning that God would protect my joints, muscles, heart, and give me strength for the workout ahead. And He did. =)

 

What HOPE feels like

 

Sweat dripping off your nose

 

after 30 strong minutes on the elliptical

 

when you could barely do seven before.

 

The way your thigh muscles sporadically twitch

 

after multiple sets of squats.

 

The sweet, encompassing fatigue

 

that follows a thorough stretch.

 

This is what HOPE feels like.

 

 

Take that, Despair.

I’m still here! November 10, 2010

Sorry about the lack of blogging. My laptop went away for a few days–it said it needed a vacation. =) Had a great workout this morning! Twenty minutes on the treadmill, and twenty on the elliptical. Then I did leg presses, squats and calf raises. I plan on soon posting my workout schedule for the past month so that you can see the progress that has been made. If I can do it, anyone can.

Thanks for all the visits and the sweet comments and support. You’ll never know how much it means to me to have you all cheering me on.